LONDON – To paraphrase Hermann Goering, when I hear the words “corporate social responsibility” I reach for my gun. Unfortunately, I heard those heinous words non-stop at a conference I stupidly attended recently. Frankly, the idea that huge, rapacious corporate entities think we’re naïve enough to believe that they’re not just out to make as much wonga as humanly possible as quickly as possible makes me cry into my beer. The fact that management teams, advised by trendy consultants, believe we’re so stupid that we’ll buy their horse crap that they actually care about things like the environment makes me want to massively short the shares of every single company in the “FTSE4Good” index … for eternity.

I’m the first to accept that nostalgia ain’t what it used to be. Still, I look fondly back at the days of Gordon Gecko, Michael Milken and Jimmy Goldsmith when corrupt moguls were more honest about their never-ending mission to make themselves and their companies’ shareholders …

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